Tonight was better but far too often I am overwhelmed and take it out on the precious ones entrusted in my care. Tonight I was feeling it bubble up-too many loose ends at once, the frosting wasn't working, the cookies aren't even that good, what kind of packaging can I put them in for the neighbors and teachers, trying to put away dinner still (which I made in the middle of batches in the oven) and my son stopped me. "Mom it's ok, don't get stressed mom we don't have to do it that way if it's not working. Don't worry we can fix it and do it, it's ok mom." It was like a lifeline in waves that toss me about ruthlessly. God spoke to my heart in that moment and what might have been meltdown turned to laughter and joy and somehow, seriously miraculously, the kids and I enjoyed finishing the cookies. They even were in bed at a somewhat normal time!
But really the best success of tonight isn't the plates of cookies ready to wrap up and deliver. It isn't that the kids were in bed on time. It certainly isn't that I'm clean and done in the kitchen as I had to sit down and write this to give my feet a rest. It isn't even the fact that I didn't yell and we made a decent memory together. The success came after they were in bed while I was cleaning and found that word. Mama. I realized suddenly and fiercely that it is a great joy to be their mom. I love being their mama!!! The real success was in seeing myself through their eyes-and going up to their rooms to pray and snuggle with each. It was in confessing things I needed to ask forgiveness for, in blessing them, and in telling them ways they bring me joy just because they're mine! It was a moment of crystal clarity seeing this role and this gifting in this season. The joy and anticipation is only a fraction of what Mary must have felt but all the same it was what I needed to remember what this season means. Thank God for his son who made a young scared girl a mama and along the way saved mankind and reminded us of the greatest relationship ever-with our own daddy, father God. May you find that quiet moment in the mess today as well and may it bring you great joy!