Scorpion number 2 in 2 days sent me into a panicked fear state I haven't been to in a long time. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop checking the floor, all over the house. I got online and began researching and reading all I could about scorpions in general and scorpions in Georgia. I found possible explanations why we had them and ways to eliminate them. I spent probably 2 hours on this. Then I had Ty help check the sheets/blankets (after I'd checked the kids-who had been sound asleep for 2 hours by now!) I got into bed and could barely breath right as I imagined all kinds of critters all over in the walls, outside, behind floorboards, etc. Really, it was ridiculous. I let fear overcome me again and I gave in to it rather than trust in God's grace and sovereignty. And today I have felt off all day. I think it was the result of letting my guard down for a second. Rather than run to my Father with my concern I ran to solutions that are wise by standards of this world. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with getting rid of them and having a plan to do so. But I let it completely control me and paralyze me and with that came all sorts of thoughts again. "This isn't home. This isn't familiar and comfortable, I wish I was back in the northwest. Why am I here in Georgia?" And I know those thoughts are exactly what the enemy wants, what he expects and delights in. I mean, it's a scorpion. They aren't life-threatening here. They are small things that would hurt like a bee sting but still, not something that should completely undo me for 24 hours. So tonight I'm choosing thankfulness and keeping my thoughts captive to the priority of the gospel. I'm thankful for our landlord who will spray the house. I'm thankful for my husband who knows the balance between helping my obsessive cleaning/scorpion hunting and praying against the fear that has crept back into our home. After I went to bed he prayed over me and our home and property. That is something I'm thankful for immensely. And I'm thankful that God chose me, an imperfect scardy-cat to sanctify. To set apart and make like himself day by day. Scorpion by scorpion.
The past couple weeks we've been settling back into a routine. We are home! We wake up, do chores, school at home (or library, or on location), play with friends, have people over, go to the same church 3 Sundays in a row...the list could continue. You all know what I mean, this is what most people do in the fall. They start back into a routine. With the crisp, cool evenings (not that we've had those yet here in the south!) and crunchy leaves comes a sense of return to normalcy. For the most part we have transitioned back well. We have been walking in the new ways and habits we've formed the last year. Good habits. Habits of communicating better. Habits of keeping our perspective on the gospel. Last week, Ty even started a new habit as a family of not yelling at one another. I'm still working on that one with the kids but overall the tone has been so different in our home. We have stood in awe and wonder at the rich grace God has poured out on us over this journey. And so, 2 nights ago when I was getting ready for bed after a calm evening with the kids, my serenity went scurrying as fast as the scorpion did when Ty had to go at it with the shoe. Yep, we had a scorpion in the house. I was grateful that we were awake and found it and killed it before someone stepped on it later. I was grateful that each time we've had nasty bugs in our home-here or elsewhere-God has protected us from harm. I actually handled it pretty well all things considered. Until last night.
Scorpion number 2 in 2 days sent me into a panicked fear state I haven't been to in a long time. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop checking the floor, all over the house. I got online and began researching and reading all I could about scorpions in general and scorpions in Georgia. I found possible explanations why we had them and ways to eliminate them. I spent probably 2 hours on this. Then I had Ty help check the sheets/blankets (after I'd checked the kids-who had been sound asleep for 2 hours by now!) I got into bed and could barely breath right as I imagined all kinds of critters all over in the walls, outside, behind floorboards, etc. Really, it was ridiculous. I let fear overcome me again and I gave in to it rather than trust in God's grace and sovereignty. And today I have felt off all day. I think it was the result of letting my guard down for a second. Rather than run to my Father with my concern I ran to solutions that are wise by standards of this world. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with getting rid of them and having a plan to do so. But I let it completely control me and paralyze me and with that came all sorts of thoughts again. "This isn't home. This isn't familiar and comfortable, I wish I was back in the northwest. Why am I here in Georgia?" And I know those thoughts are exactly what the enemy wants, what he expects and delights in. I mean, it's a scorpion. They aren't life-threatening here. They are small things that would hurt like a bee sting but still, not something that should completely undo me for 24 hours. So tonight I'm choosing thankfulness and keeping my thoughts captive to the priority of the gospel. I'm thankful for our landlord who will spray the house. I'm thankful for my husband who knows the balance between helping my obsessive cleaning/scorpion hunting and praying against the fear that has crept back into our home. After I went to bed he prayed over me and our home and property. That is something I'm thankful for immensely. And I'm thankful that God chose me, an imperfect scardy-cat to sanctify. To set apart and make like himself day by day. Scorpion by scorpion.
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If you ask my siblings or my parents what I wanted to be growing up they would most likely answer all the same, "a teacher!" See, I subjected my younger siblings to hours of school when they weren't in school themselves. I couldn't stand playing Barbies with my sister but I'd sure make her do homework sheet after homework sheet. I'd make them write, do math, sit in front of the chalkboard while I taught them whatever I thought they should know. I would decorate the room and set it up just like a classroom. In 6th grade, I started helping with a church class with another friend and we got to set up the room and I thought I was in heaven! In fact, I've helped teach a variety of things from that point on. And yet, when I went to college I didn't go into teaching at all. Funny how that works...
Over the last 6 months as we were gearing up to homeschool (J is in 1st grade this year), I was so excited! I researched curriculums, set up a ton of supplies (thanks to my mother-in-law and her former teaching days) and a desk and table in our "school room," and even joined the local homeschool group. A friend and I had already been meeting weekly with our kids to do library runs, work on school work with the kids together, and just generally prepare for this year. Technically last year we homeschooled kindergarten, but as we spent so much time on the road we used the roadschooling approach. That basically means we did studies of geography/history/social studies/science based on where we were and what we were being exposed to. We read a ton together and he is reading a ton to us. We integrated math into lots of games and occasional worksheets and cooking. In my head, last year didn't count. I mean, we weren't sitting at a desk hours a day. I didn't have a planner filled out for the year, or at least semester. We weren't sitting doing calendar and weather each day. It wasn't "real school." (Disclaimer-this was my opinion towards myself, not toward this kind of education approach) Then I read a few books last spring about different theories of school. And the reality set in-I do not function in a traditional education setting. That is not my personality. That was not how I best learned, and it is certainly not how I best teach. And quite honestly, it isn't the best learning environment for our kids either. I thrive in flexible, fluid moments. I teach naturally all the time using real life all around. It comes without me even thinking about it. And my kids love it. Ty and I tag team together often. An example is when the tsunami came up in Japan last year. We were praying as a family and to make it more tangible to J we watched some video clips together. He wanted to know why it happened so we ended up spending a few days learning about tectonic plates, seismic activity, and tsunamis. We learned a bit about Japan itself. And then we related it back to volcanic activity since he remembers all the mountains and visiting Mt. St. Helens when we were in WA. It wasn't exactly normal kindergarten material. And yet, it made it much more real and tangible to him. And the fact we could use it all towards how we were praying as a family resonated deep within Ty and I as that was our main objective. I've had to come to the realization though, that my dream to teach and have an orderly classroom and use a schedule and lesson plans months in advance, is not my personality. I am not a scheduled person who plans detailed organization months ahead. There is nothing wrong with that kind of tendency, but I know it's not who I am. J requires more structure than I do though. He's not a rigid kid by any means and definitely loves going with the flow. He does need consistency though. So I'm seeing that while my lifelong dream of teaching is here, I'm a teacher, officially according to our county! I also will probably never live the dream I thought I had of having a perfectly put together classroom we sit in scheduled out every minute of every day perfectly. It's been a strange process letting go that ideal in my head, while embracing the gifts that I do have, and who God has made me to be. And with embracing those gifts and tendencies comes a new realization. I have always been a teacher. I didn't have to have it look just so for that to be true. I've been teaching since my sister was born and I began to teach her things. I've taught all the kids and their families I've worked with for years. I've taught many people in Bible studies and church classes. And I've taught friends who come with questions/problems and I can help. I've been processing a lot lately with dreams I have and dreams God has for me. Have you ever had a dream you held so tightly, but when it was realized it looked totally different? It's kind of a funny feeling. And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way! I'm off to go work on tentative plans for next week...we'll see what unfolds in our world around us for the rest! For the last 3 weeks of our time in the Pacific Northwest, we based out of our friends' house. When we first began planning our time, we talked about having one place as "home base" and then make our mini trips from there. When we travel as much as we have, the kids (and me) do better with consistency and one "home." We had talked with some friends who have let us stay for an extended period in the past. They were more than happy to have us and have the space and love us being around. Several of our other friends also offered whatever we needed, although they all had smaller spaces but also love having us around. When we got into town, we had dinner with Caleb, Rebekah and our other dear friend, "Uncle Charlie." We had decided to stay with them that night because we knew we wouldn't want to leave with just having seen them again after a year and a half. So we did. And then we did the next night again. And the next. And the next. And pretty soon we couldn't leave-it was our home base. We would travel for a night or 2 for other meetings but back we'd come. We did end up at our other friends-the ones who have housed us before, but just for a couple nights and even then we still went back to Caleb and Rebekah's.
The thing you should know about Caleb and Rebekah is that they are some of our closest friends. We have done life together through some major things and we love them very much (and I'm pretty sure it's mutual)! You also should know that they have 2 children just younger than ours. And when we are together (or even when we aren't) Charlie is often around as he really is our family despite the lack of blood relation. Now, the kids get along amazingly. All 5 of us adults get along amazingly too. They live in a great central location for us to base out of when we're in that area. They have a great backyard-with chickens even! What you don't know, is that there house is only 840 square feet. That's 840 square feet for 4 loud, crazy, energetic children ages 6 and down, plus 5 adults all trying to talk and often with music on in the background. That's 840 square feet of different sleeping arrangements each night trying to minimize noise for the kids and maximize sleep for the adults. That's 840 square feet (and 1 toilet and shower and 1 washer/dryer) for 8, sometimes 9, people to share. And you know what? I wouldn't have traded it for anything! Sure there were a couple moments when some (or all) thought we might lose our sanity. Tensions were up a couple times-although surprisingly very minimally! The kids did throw massive tantrums and fight occasionally. We did lots of laundry and cleaned frequently. And we laughed. And we cooked together, ate together, sat by the fire together. We watched each other's kids, washed each other's clothes, shared grocery expenses, and helped each other get to/from appointments and work with limited cars. One of the reasons that we are so close with those guys, is because we all share a passion to see the church as the greater body of Christ. The family we are all adopted into when we believe in him. And we don't just sit around talking about what that could look like. We live it. Together. We pray for each other. We rejoice in times when God moves mightily in any of our lives. We grieve lost dreams together when reality doesn't match our hearts' passions. These friends have stood by us and loved us like Christ has-unconditionally and without wavering. We have other amazing friends in our lives (thank God for his many blessings!) and we don't want to discredit all of those. However, there are not many other friends that we could survive 3 weeks together in 840 square feet. Not only did we survive, we really enjoyed our time. We love you Caleb, Rebekah, and even Uncle Charlie! We can't wait until next time...well, maybe after a few more nights in our own beds we'll be looking forward to next time! I'm sure you've seen all the posts about 9/11 and 10 years later. We all can remember where we were, the events that unfolded that day, and the immediate and long term changes that followed. I've been thinking about all the changes in my own life as our country has reflected on the changes we have all experienced.
Ten years ago, we were newlyweds. We were still in college and just thinking about what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives. Man things have changed in my heart and attitude that have changed our marriage dramatically. God has graciously done such work in the depths of my heart that have made our marriage grow. He's done it in Ty too and in us as a couple. We are so grateful to the Lord for what He has done in us and where we are now as opposed to 10 years ago! Ten years ago, we were living in a fancy apartment, thinking about how to decorate and when we might buy our first house. We worked like crazy and both drove vehicles with loans on them. We went out to eat often and played hard whenever we could-jetskiing, golfing, etc.We were consolidating our school loans out as far as possible and some months carried a balance on our credit cards. Today, God has completely reordered our priorities. We have less stuff than then (and with 2 kids thrown in!). We rent a small house that is more than enough for our family, and if we look to buy again it will be below our means-not at the upper end of what we can afford. We are a single car family and that is paid for. We plan to drive it until it dies. We have no debt aside from student loans and those are being paid off. God has used some very wise people to grow and change our hearts in terms of stewardship as well as kingdom thinking. We are much less concerned with what we have now as we are how to use all we are and have for furthering the gospel. We praise God that he has transformed our minds to remove some of the pull of the world regarding those things to help us better hear when He speaks to us. The things weren't bad in themselves, but they were ways we distracted ourselves from greater things. We love how God has grown us from 10 years ago! Ten years ago, we had been on 1 mission trip together. We were involved in our first church together and were brand new to ministry and still had much to learn about leadership. God has led us through several churches and many trips to our favorite orphanage in Mexico and put some incredible mentors in our lives. Through those people and experiences, we have been challenged and stretched beyond what we ever imagined. God used them to give us more knowledge and increase our abilities and wisdom. We are so thankful for God's grace not just in our lives, but in the lives of those who have helped shape us over the last 10 years! When we think about the way our world changed 10 years ago on 9/11, we are truly thankful that God has chosen to draw us into a personal relationship with himself. Today in church we heard a message reminding us we don't know what tomorrow will hold. Each day is a gift God has given us and we must make the most of using it to further his kingdom. We can't get lost in the fear, despair, and evil that exists all over our world-today and 10 years ago. We need to rely on the hope of Jesus to transform any of us. For the reality is, we all are sinners in need of forgiveness and a savior. Each of us. Me. You. Our kids. And those waging war against us on earth. See, there is a greater enemy waging war on our souls and he is who we should focus the fight against. Through the power of Jesus, that enemy will be defeated and we will one day live with no more days like 9/11. Praise God for the hope Jesus brings! When I see the hope in my own life he's given just in 10 years I marvel that Jesus saved a sinner like me and continues to love and grow me more like him! How about you-how have you changed in the last 10 years? We are home. And yet we are not. We made it back to our house in GA after a long flight from Seattle today. The kids traveled amazingly-thank goodness they love it! We said goodbye to some of the best friends we could ever ask for today. We said hello to another awesome friend here tonight as we were picked up from the airport. We got to say hello and goodbye to my aunt and uncle all at once this morning before leaving, as they just arrived from Europe. Our 6 weeks in the Pacific Northwest seemed way too long and way too short all at once. I'm so excited for our own space, our own stuff, our own bed. I'm ready to see what God is going to do in this next season of ministry. I'm ready for budding friendships here to go deeper and
grow. I'm ready to get into a routine with homeschooling. And I'm sad. I miss so many things about the northwest. I miss my siblings and my parents. I miss seeing my nieces as they grow up. I miss my aunts and uncles and grandmas and cousins. I miss the mountains and the pacific ocean. I miss the laid back culture that is so accepting of such varying views, even if they don't like each other. I miss friends who have been along on some of the deepest, darkest valleys we've ever had to journey through. It has been amazing the last 6 weeks, recounting all God has done in our lives and for us the last 2 years. We have seen his grace and love in our lives, in our marriage and in our family-beyond what we knew possible! We have seen him provide miraculously for us in our needs and in our desires. It has also been humbling. I have had several conversations in the last week about ways God prepared our hearts to be ready to receive what he had for us. That God would work such details for our good, for our growth, all at his gracious choosing, and then invite us to get to take a front row seat to his story all over the world is beyond my grasp. As I sit here in my living room in quiet and calm, after the bustle and chaos of this summer of travel, I can't put it into words. This morning as I woke up early I turned to the Psalms. I can so relate to David in my myriad of emotions right now. And yet, as David comes back to time and time again, I too stand in awe as I declare that God is good. God is just and righteous and He alone is God. Despite anything else-my own emotions, my own journey, joys, sadness, enemies-God is good. He is God and that alone makes him worthy of all that I am. Tonight, my new reality is one I hope becomes a lifelong, permanent reality. It is a reality of declaring the glory of God, understanding the sorrow that comes at living in this present reality that is but a poor shadow of the amazing reality to come, while still enjoying fully the moments when God's glory intersects our earthly world as a taste of that wonderful future. And if reading that makes you go "huh?" then you're not alone. I can't contain all that I'm feeling and all that I've learned. I'm still processing and walking it out. But in that, God is good! God is good and He is gracious and merciful and just and loving and compassionate! And I'm ready to journey even farther with him in his story! Are you ready for this next season of our journey? One of the things about traveling so much is getting to see so many people. So many friends, old and new. So many cousins. So many sisters. So many aunts, uncles, grandparents and brothers. That makes for a lot of hellos. There are many "do you remember (so and so)" and "this is (name)" and we all have done amazingly well. The kids have done amazingly well. In order to have many hellos, we have had to go to new places. Whenever we go to a new place, we leave somewhere else. That makes for a lot of goodbyes. For the most part we have handled these too. Ty said that in Hungary, they say "szia" (think see ya for how to pronounce it). This means hello and goodbye. Quite honestly we feel like we've been only saying "See ya" for months. This weekend though we hit a bit of a breaking point. After 3 months straight of travel (and 10 months of the last 18 being spent doing the same), we hit our quota of goodbyes. And hellos. We wanted to go home. J wanted to go home and I did as well. As we began to unpack what going home would mean-the reality of it, a beautiful conversation happened. We reminded ourselves that there are many benefits of "home" (which we were talking about our house we rent in Georgia that has our earthly possessions in it). We also began to talk about the things that are not there which we really miss when we are home. It was an opportunity to explain in a very tangible 6 year old way what New Testament writers meant when they talked about the earth not being our home. Our family understands being strangers in a foreign land, a place not familiar with different geography, food, language, culture and far from friends and family. We understand the longing that happens for the familiar and yet as the new place becomes home, we always miss what we've left. We are never fully at home wherever we are. What was a hard day turned into a hopeful day. We have hope of one day being home forever, with our creator and life giver, Jesus. We will live in perfect community in a world far more beautiful and amazing than this one (even than the Pacific Northwest-as I had to remind myself!) We will be with all our "family" of others who have chosen to follow Jesus. That will pale in comparison to our joy of being with Jesus. We will live the way God intended the world to be from the beginning. At that point there will be no more "See ya" or "szia" or any other form of hello or goodbye. I long for that day in a whole new way from our journeys the last couple years. Hopefully, my kids long for that day a little more too now.
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AuthorsCarolyn & (sometimes) Ty Archives
March 2016
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