(for the record, this is Carolyn's view of this last week or so. ty probably has an entirely different view. In fact, pretty sure his title would say something like "crazy wife again?!" I love that guy and how he walks through this stuff with me!)
So just when we find a "new normal" in transition something in our routine and schedule changes and I panic. This last week held some interesting schedule changes and was quite busy (which after some weeks of just hanging out day-to-day was quite the contrast!). And I did not handle it well at all. It took me several days to figure out it was due to transition. See, when you are in transition there are steps to that and one of those is establishing a "new normal" that occurs when you get used to being out of sorts and in a bit of chaos. We had definitely started to get used to the new phase of this transition since we moved. When we suddenly had meetings and appointments and job hours again in there I couldn't cope. It upset the new normal and again thrust us into transition. However, thanks to great friends, family, mentors and co-workers I was grounded again and am adjusting to an even newer normal...that could change again even next week. I think I had forgotten the normalcy of change over the last 2 months. So once again I'm bracing myself and praying a lot for peace and direction and steadfastness to keep putting one foot in front of the other through transition or normalcy or whatever path the Lord leads us down each day!
(for the record, this is Carolyn's view of this last week or so. ty probably has an entirely different view. In fact, pretty sure his title would say something like "crazy wife again?!" I love that guy and how he walks through this stuff with me!)
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We had the fun of going to visit friends this weekend whom we've known almost 4 years. They live just over an hour from us and have wanted us to come to church with them for a while to start meeting people there. We went down yesterday and had a fun time hanging out, eating ice cream, playing games and watching our crazy kids all have a blast. Then this morning we joined them for church.
Anyone who has known us for some length of time, or anyone who has walked with us along this journey this year, knows that we have been to a decent number of churches. We have been to all kinds: loud, soft, traditional, small, gigantic, some with enormous kids programs, some where we are the only ones to teach the kids, charismatic, liberal, conservative, international, etc. The list goes on and on. That, and working in as many and as diverse of churches as we have the past 10 years, we've seen our fair share of church things. This morning, I realized how we've become sort of "professional" at this whole visiting church thing. Our friends were very considerate and making sure we knew where things were, introducing us to people, and helping us with getting our kids all checked in to their classes. The funny part was-it didn't even feel like we were new. It wasn't that we knew a bunch of people there, it was just we've done this whole routine and been the visitors a few times this last year especially. In fact, we've been the visitors at least 16 times-that's 1/4 of this last year. My kids don't even blink at new classes and they call any kids they meet "my new friend so-and-so." Teachers remark on how well they did (which is much less a testament to us and more so to the number of times they have done it). The kids always love hearing a bit of the music and comment how any song they recognize is "one that daddy sings!" with wonder and excitement as if it is pure coincidence that church is singing it too. (I don't think they've figured out most churches sing similar songs for worship). And while the kids do well, it can be too easy for Ty and I to also "do well." We can put on our smiley missionary faces and meet and greet people, answering the "where are you from" questions as simply as we can-which trust me is NOT always that easy given our last year! We have learned not to feel too much in regards to what we think about church because quite honestly, we would be super critical otherwise. It takes every effort on our part to join that body, that family, as one of theirs for the day instead of just as an observer. After all, we are all adopted into the same family right? I know my heart has totally moved from an "us/them" mentality to seeing all these smaller bodies as part of the global church which we are so privileged to be part of. That takes the critical eye away and replaces it with an authentic joy to be there and a real desire to know these brothers and sisters and be known. It has truly been a picture of the large Church but God had to work on my heart to move me from what I thought it was supposed to be (the plastered smile, the good missionary answer, etc). It is kind of fun taking in all kinds of services though. Especially ones like today where the Word is brought!!! Man we heard preaching this morning-I'm still processing and may try to capture a bit of it here this week. In the meantime though, I'm thankful that we get to visit churches for our job. And as we listened to/watched a new missionary give his talk this morning and ask for people to consider partnering with him it was unique to get to be on the other side of the picture and be listening to his ministry instead of sharing ours. After church we had more friends over to celebrate a "gotcha day." For those unfamiliar, it's a celebration of the day a child was adopted! We watched the Packers win to go to the Super Bowl and we laughed and talked about all kinds of things. And this was all with 7 kids running around for 3 hours. So for tonight this missionary/professional church visitor is just one thing after a packed weekend: tired! Goodnight-hope you heard the Word this morning and will apply it all week. Yesterday I got to go to lunch with one of my very good friends who is about to move overseas with OM Arts. As I'm still figuring out things like restaurants in the area we weren't sure where we'd go eat. A friend from town mentioned she'd seen a new place near where we were heading called The BeiRut. Seeing how we've heard Ty and the team rave about the delicious food they experienced in Lebanon we figured we'd try it. It was a wonderful afternoon! The food was great-can't wait to go back and try even more. It was really fun seeing and tasting food that Ty has been describing. And my friend is so lovely and we had an amazing conversation. I've been needing friends like her around to ask hard questions and encourage me to take steps that might be uncomfortable but are definitely right. And then, to follow up with seeing how I've done-have I stepped out, where am I. Today I'm thankful for the gift of taste and a delicious
I had a new nephew born this week. He is so cute-just like his daddy was when he was born. These are the times it is hard being far from family. Waiting the 24 hours of labor to get an occasional text reminded me all over again how impatient I am! I am so thankful for technology though that I could get pictures on text and electronically within minutes and hours instead of waiting weeks or months for mail! It makes me think of our friends all over the world who are much farther from family and reminded me to pray for them: others who have left home to proclaim Jesus to the world, soldiers serving to defend our freedom...we know many of both. After talking to one friend today I wanted to let you know that any of us far from home love to hear from you. Sometimes it can seem very much like we are out here so far away and we don't know if our team back home is there or praying or even reading our updates. If there are people you pray for-let them know from time to time. We had a few responses to an email Ty sent out and they were so encouraging! Thank you to our team for all your support and encouragement! Please don't forget those serving the Lord and country around the globe. It will make their day to see "hi-was thinking about you."
The last 24-36 hours I have had so much on my heart. Many many things have been brought to my attention that I can't just leave alone. As I've sat up during the night and at moments when the busyness of the day faded and all I could think about were these things I was a bit at a loss. There was great conflict between them all. Loved ones aching so deeply from a loss so indescribable. Loved ones anticipating intense pain to bring about joy so great its indescribable. Strangers aching from loss indescribable. Strangers anticipating intense work to bring about joy indescribable. Through it all my thought has been-what should I do? I've prayed for these dear people: faces and heartbeats and emotions behind the stories. I've prayed for my heart: that I would not just forget, that I would not turn away from needs when I can step in. And I've waited. I've waited on word for all of them. I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting from a distance when I can't do anything about it. And I'm praying that days like this-where the empathy for others drives me to hurt inside and at the same time explode with anticipation in my soul-that these days are brought to mind by the Holy Spirit often so I keep our Great God's heart for the world. I know He is working through and in and because of all these situations. I know it. And I know I am asked to respond to it. Today it was by prayer. So I prayed. Tomorrow if it's more, will I act on that? I'm praying that the Spirit will help me with whatever response is asked of me.
One year ago today Ty and I flew home from one of the most intense and amazing weeks of my life. It is a week we will never forget. A week where we walked through such pain and such healing and God was so real to us through an amazing group of people and a professor who wasn't afraid to be honest. We flew home via Atlanta and as we spent a couple hours in layover I spent about 40 minutes on the phone with a friend from that week who was driving home. It was an energized conversation-very charged. It was all about details and vision and possibility and questions. At the end, he asked me if I was freaking out yet. In the midst of abrupt life change and God majorly moving in our lives and a whole worldview shift and way of life shift. And I wasn't. I was completely and totally ready to take on the world. Bring it on I thought! Tonight, a year later, I sit literally across the country from where we lived before...but right outside Atlanta. Our home has changed. Our church has changed. Our jobs, our very way of working and livelihood has changed. Our accents and language have changed. Our hearts have changed. Our opinions and attitudes and faith have changed. And I've had my freakout moments-trust me! But tonight as I sit and think back to that oh so charged phone call and that amazing week with the best class we ever could have asked for, I just have to sit quietly and take it all in for a minute. "Wow God!" is all I can say. And today, today God is reshaping our entire worldview and attitudes and opinions and actions all over again. See, the more we see Him clearly the more all of our "knowledge" is reshaped more correctly toward truth. I am bursting with the amazing work of Christ and the Power of the Holy Spirit and cannot wait to share it here, in Judea and in the ends of the earth. What can seem so overwhelmingly scary sometimes is so exciting and I want those moments of fear to come fewer and farther apart as I trust more and hopefully Christ can be displayed more through me. It truly is the One True God who deserves all the praise as we look back over the last year and all that has happened just in a visible cultural sense. When we add in the spiritual growth-it only further shows the Lord God who Reigns on High! I pray we can continue to decrease and press forward toward Him and truth more and more and that we do it without fear but with a charged energy that can only be powered by the Holy Spirit. What a year it was! And we pray God continues to work so next year we again say What a year it was!
So last night it "snowed." I have to use that word loosely as our West Coast mountain friends may disagree with us. All our southern friends however agree it is pretty amazing. We didn't really get snow but rather this frozen slush stuff that is more ice than snow but has the texture more of frozen slush than a solid sheet of ice. Despite the fact you can't really play in it, we bundled up this morning after breakfast and joined our neighbors on the road in front of their house to sled. They have this older style sled with the metal runners. The kind my mom remembers riding with her grandpa for 2 miles down a huge hill in the Sierra Nevada mountains when she was growing up. Anyway, we rode that down the road for over an hour-adults and kids alike taking turns. Then we all hung out with soup, coffee, and grilled cheese. Some at our house. Some at their house. We had a great time! So, despite the fact it's cold and you can't really play a lot in the snow-we had a fabulous snow day! Have I mentioned how much we are loving living out here with our neighbors? Well we are! Happy snow day to you!
So my brain is full. And sick. Which makes thought hard, and yet I have much I am thinking on-actually Ty and I are probably in the same boat there. Anyway, this weekend I got to go to Chattanooga with a friend to hang out at a Christian music event with full access passes. We had a group of people that all just met and actually had a really good time. We stayed with another girl friend of mine in Chatt. It was quite fun and not your everyday girl time! It is always good to get away from the family for a night and the kids to have dad time and to get some rest. Although, I now officially have "the cough" so that is not so fun...In the midst of this I've been doing a lot of thinking about some of the ways God has been showing himself to me this past year and a half. I'm being challenged so much in who I believe Him to be and getting home today hanging out with the neighbors just gave me more to think about. That is, through the haze of needing some sleep tonight and a cough and such. I'm caught in between two tensions right now. I don't know how to even explain the tension between who I'm learning God to be and what I'm to do with that. God is blowing away my ideas of who He is with new (and significantly bigger and greater) visions of who He really is. And even though I know He is so much bigger than I am even aware, I'm afraid of some of what I'm learning. I think the fear is more out of a recognition that as I learn more and God reveals more of himself, I become less and that means change on my part. The tension is with letting go and yet, there is such freedom when I do let go of my grasp at control. So...here's to many more releases this year. I
Ty's parents have been here a couple weeks and we have all been having a good time with our friends/neighbors. Ty's mom wanted to make these amazingly delicious things called apple dumplings for dessert and so we had our friends over for one more get together before we take them to the airport early tomorrow. The oldest daughter (who is 9) agreed to dance for us-a worship dance she had choreographed and performed during Christmas. It was beautiful! I watched her eyes and she never once looked at us while doing it. She was totally focused on what she was doing and giving her all to the Lord. Watching her rock her arms and point to heaven, I wondered if she could see Jesus as she danced for him. Our daughter (3) sat mesmerized in her little dress-up dance costume and whispered "mommy, can I do my dance when she's done?" We said sure and she and their youngest danced around the room intent on what they were doing. It was sweet. Then the neighbors all left and the music was still on and grandpa was watching and it happened. Worship happened. My little girl was swaying gently moving her arms and twirling gracefully and suddenly she was caught up in the music. She was mimicking what she had seen earlier in the evening but never once looked at us. She rocked her arms as if she had dear baby Jesus right there. And she sat in almost splits with her arms up looking intently at her hands to make sure they were positioned just right. She twirled and twirled and twirled and moved with such grace and intensity that I could hardly breathe. And as the music ended and she whooshed forward then back with her arms perfectly placed she twirled into a seated position and lay her head and arms down forward onto the ground and just lay there. She didn't even look at us when we all clapped. It was amazing. It was beautiful. It was a moment when I saw the Lord seated high on His throne exalted...by a dear sweet little girl who I pray continues to have a heart in love with Jesus not only as a baby but as her Savior and King!
If you are friends with Ty on FB you can see a snipet of the video-may you be as blessed as we all were! So the last few years Ty and I have had a theme for the year. Sometimes it's kind of funny, like 2009 which was the year of seeing movies together (it is a long story!) and other times it reflects a goal we set. This morning we were talking about what we might set 2011 to be. Quite honestly, I cannot even imagine what it might hold! 2010 was full of so many things that 1 year ago I had never even dreamed of! As we think back to a year ago when we were first about to visit friends in GA and head to Ty's 3rd semester with IWS we were preparing for another year of youth ministry in Pierce County WA. Now, just days less than a year later we have been completely rerouted by God. And we could not be more thankful and excited to see what He plans for this year. Our prayer for ourselves, and you who journey with us, is that whatever it holds, we grow closer to who God really is and become more like Him. We hope you enjoyed New Year's and the Christmas season. We did, with many blessings! |
AuthorsCarolyn & (sometimes) Ty Archives
March 2016
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