We've been singing this song as a family lately in the car that recites part of Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Throughout Scriptures we see households coming to faith, households being judged for disobedience, and much of the time it is the choice of one or two that affects the entire household. Ty and I wrestled through the idea of dedication and how we truly were offering our children to the Lord when we dedicated them as babies. We acknowledged they were a gift we were entrusted with for as long as He so chose. I'm not saying I wouldn't be indescribably sad if their days are much less than I expect, however we also realized it was beyond our control and we wanted to publicly declare they are his. We also have considered that our actions, in joining foreign missions, affect our whole family and feel confident in our decision to do so even knowing this. But it wasn't until last week, watching my children drink literally from my cup of "suffering" that I saw it. I grasped it. The weight of our decision and the responsibility in following the Lord was heavy and real upon me in that moment. As I watched the kids and I listened to the leader say stop fighting the suffering, and embrace it, that is just what I did.
Last week we participated as a family in part of a day of worship training/rejuvenation at OM. Ty was involved in the planning and execution of the event and helped lead one of the corporate worship services. I came with the kids and we participated in that time. The theme was "living water" and we were given a water bottle when we entered. Throughout the service there were 4 sections, and in each we used the water for something symbolic. J was interested in a drink of mine at one point so I shared what was going on and why people had drank some. He expressed how he loves Jesus and wants to know more about him and love him more and I told him that was why we drank and that he could also take a drink. Later, we were to use the water and pour it into a cup with some powder in the bottom. It was to mix with the powder (which turned it red) and then we were to drink of that. This was in lieu of the Lord's Table, and yet was symbolic of it as well. The leader talked about embracing the suffering of Christ in identifying with him. Of course, both kids were interested in the juice and I was explaining to J how by taking a drink we were identifying with following Jesus and committing to follow him even though we knew it would be hard and would mean giving things up to do so. Now, I know this may seem a bit advanced for his age, but he gets it. We often talk about how hard it is to follow the Lord-using scenarios in his life that are hard (choosing to obey, etc.) Also, he is old enough to grasp many things we have given up even in joining international missions and moving across country. He said "Mom, I want to choose to follow Jesus and I KNOW it's hard but I want to anyway." So again, I let him drink. I also let his little sister and as she took a drink I was struck by the symbolism. She was drinking something that was really mine to drink because I let her share in our family experience. The truth of the matter is, our kids will share in our suffering when we identify with Christ whether we want them to or not. The choices I make as a parent involve my kids. We've been singing this song as a family lately in the car that recites part of Joshua "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Throughout Scriptures we see households coming to faith, households being judged for disobedience, and much of the time it is the choice of one or two that affects the entire household. Ty and I wrestled through the idea of dedication and how we truly were offering our children to the Lord when we dedicated them as babies. We acknowledged they were a gift we were entrusted with for as long as He so chose. I'm not saying I wouldn't be indescribably sad if their days are much less than I expect, however we also realized it was beyond our control and we wanted to publicly declare they are his. We also have considered that our actions, in joining foreign missions, affect our whole family and feel confident in our decision to do so even knowing this. But it wasn't until last week, watching my children drink literally from my cup of "suffering" that I saw it. I grasped it. The weight of our decision and the responsibility in following the Lord was heavy and real upon me in that moment. As I watched the kids and I listened to the leader say stop fighting the suffering, and embrace it, that is just what I did. It was a beautiful moment seeing how God truly is leading our whole family beyond ourselves for His name sake. I want to pray that we will never be called upon to truly suffer for the gospel, and yet I can't because that is not what I read in God's Word. I read that we are to join Jesus in his suffering and we are to suffer much for his name sake. I also see my brothers and sisters around the world suffering for his name and let me tell you-his name is glorified greatly through those situations! Also, many many more are coming to Christ through those sufferings than are through my witness in my comfortable community. Some might say I'm cold and heartless that I looked upon that moment as a true rededication of myself, my family and my children to the Lord and his sovereign plan-including suffering. However, it was not cruel and ugly but beautiful and intimate as we entered into that communion with our precious Savior. I saw the beauty of the cross. My prayer is that if we are called to suffer, truly suffer, that we will be found faithful and that His name will be exalted. Difficult? Most definitely! And yet, that is my only option if I am truly wanting to identify with my Savior and Lord. This is only one of many difficult things He is opening my eyes to. And I am so very grateful that He is.
0 Comments
The last 24 hours we had some major thunderstorms! We were in the midwest for so long that we are very used to intense thunderstorms, but the last few years on the west coast made me forget the intensity! Our kids LOVE the storms-kind of surprised me actually! Yesterday afternoon when the rain started to just unload from the sky and the lightning and thunder came in, they begged us to go out on the (covered) front porch and watch. When we went to bed it was storming but not quite as intensely. We were watching tornado watches around the state and even farther north where our offices are and other friends live. I woke up at midnight to some of the loudest thunder I've ever heard! It didn't worry me but I was awake for sure and then noticed the huge rushing wind. When it stopped suddenly and was quiet I got a bit worried and decided to at least check where we were in terms of tornado alerts. Conditions were definitely right but the storm became more consistent again and I went back to sleep. I woke up several more times to the thunder but wasn't worried about tornadoes any more. At one point I thought I heard hail (and not far from here at all there was huge hail earlier in the day) but this morning no signs of it. This afternoon was decent-cool and damp, which felt very familiar, but tonight the thunder is picking up again. We'll see if it is nearly as intense. We like the thunder and lightning and storms-we had missed them! We don't like how we can get grey, rainy days on end here. However, all the brown of winter (which had surprised us) is blooming and green like crazy today just from a day or 2 of so much rain. There are different flowering trees here than we've had before. Some have white and yellowish flowers and spread all over. Some were huge white flowers that opened sporadically and now have all fallen off. There is beautiful wisteria which is a purple vine that goes way up the huge trees and hangs off kind of looks like lilac bushes but in clumps like grapes. There are also these trees with tiny feathery like purple blossoms that are pretty and so subtle. And we have a single rose out front on a bush. We had awesome warm weather for a few weeks before damp, cool set in and with the warmer weather we are missing James. James was our AMAZING exterminator from our last state. We have killed a handful of centipedes, 2 other unidentifiable bugs (not cockroaches) and on Saturday-a scorpion. Those are all inside the house. Outside we've seen our first fire ant hill, we have carpenter bees firmly established in our cedar eves, and carpenter ants wherever the bees aren't. I'm not looking forward to seeing more southern wildlife in the way of insects as it gets warmer. On a side note, Ty and our landlord are spraying the house this week!!!
There you have it-our take on some things we are getting used to in the south. I have found the last year as God has changed my thinking to be more kingdom-like, I'm less worried with things like differences in a region than what I'm used to. But the scorpion did it-he brought the earthly a little too close! Thankfully, this move since God is changing my perspective, I haven't been nearly so unsettled by things that are different-but I did want to note some of them for y'all. See-we're embracing some southern life. Goodnight y'all! Stay dry and out of tornadoes-we hope to! We had a houseful of crazy kids (and a couple crazy adults!) the other day running, laughing, throwing water balloons, and celebrating our firstborn. The past few days have been all kinds of celebrations and I couldn't be happier to have J as our son. He is loving and empathetic, compassionate, smart, athletic, intuitive, loves video games, a wonderful teacher and friend to his younger sister, a great helper around the house, and most importantly-loves Jesus with all his heart! When I first got pregnant I was so conflicted. It was a rough time of lots of questions and seeking God about a lot of things going on. Jax has brought such joy and love to our home. We are amazingly blessed at the gift he gave us in our son. We are honored to be his parents and be entrusted to teach him and help him to know and love the Lord our God with all he is. So tonight as we finally wrapped up our celebrating and spent some time just Ty and I and him, it was with joy and great wonder that we thanked the Lord for him. We prayed for him together and told him things we love about him and about being his parents. It was precious! I'm so glad God has a plan so different from ours. This is one plan that I'm so thankful was not in our way and time or we would have missed out incredibly!
Happy birthday to our "peanut butter" we love you so much-we are so glad you are our son! We pray you will continue to seek after God's Son as you continue to grow! love, Mom & Dad Today I had an interesting experience. I was looking up some info and ran across a random statement by someone who doesn't even know me that was just downright hateful. Now, this person wasn't addressing me...directly. However, what he was accusing "uneducated hillbillies who can't even be trusted to keep their own children alive" of, I'm *guilty* of. Other statements were also made but I won't go on about it. This person is a fellow believer. That made this all the harder to read. First I took offense to it personally. Then I got past that and even chose to forgive and let it go so not to let it get to me. Then I called my sister (because I had to choose to keep breathing!) I appreciate my sis and other friends like her, who maybe don't agree completely with choices I make for me and for my kids. But out of love we talk about those differences and agree to extend grace and love, especially when there is very mixed research if you are willing to look fairly at it all. I told my sister it reminded me of how I might feel reading the hatred in a posting of the KKK. Seriously, it was that laden with pure hatred and "better than thou" wording. Again, keep in mind this person is said to be a believer. It made me sad and embarrassed for them and the fact that the love of Christ was not at all present in this moment. This brings me to another thought regarding the love of Christ. Rob Bell is all over the news right now for his new "heretical" book on the love of God. While I haven't read it and try to be careful of just buying into what every reviewer throws out there, it certainly seems there might be much merit in what is being said about his theology. And I'll admit that is quite dangerous considering it is regarding salvation itself. However, just like the situation I happened across today-in a public forum-many more theologically conservative are approaching Rob Bell and his book and theology in much the same vengeful "better than thou" kind of language that I'm certain was not what Jesus would do. Maybe I'm more sensitive than others to what this looks like to those who do not believe in Jesus because of some of my friends who don't believe and see this kind of thing and say it is proof enough that this whole Bible thing isn't truth. Maybe it's because we've been the bearer of many hateful vengeful words from those within the church who were supposed to be brothers and sisters and I saw how to those outside the church it only drove them further away. All I know is it is discouraging. We (and sadly I know I'm included in this more than I care to admit!) go around building up ourselves at the expense of proving we are right and tearing others down. All this fighting must be so great for the enemy of the Lord. The Bible says Satan prowls around like a lion looking for who he can devour. Well friends, too often he doesn't even have to come after me or others in the church. We effectively devour each other, and in turn ourselves.
That said, I'm definitely going to be extra careful about the way I respond to people and situations. Who cares if I'm right or wrong if I act in a way that is hateful and ugly and downright awful. And I'm sorry if I've ever said anything that has ever caused anyone out there to turn away from my God who absolutely is love. What about you? How are your words impacting those around you? Especially those you may not even know are hearing them. Do you have a wall in your house, or maybe in your parents' house, that has pencil marks with dates running up along it? That is something I do not have. Seeing how I lived in over 10 houses growing up there wasn't a wall consistent enough to do that on. Once we had kids we started to measure and do that. Then we moved. We started to measure again, then we moved again. I had visions of copying those pencil lines to a sheet of butcher paper I could roll up and take with us to put up as we move but as anyone who has moved across country knows, you have all sorts of plans right up to the end that get lost in all the details! As we celebrate a birthday of our oldest very soon, I have been reflecting on him growing. He is getting so big. He recently got a new bike, and the other day he and a friend were riding his old little one to be funny. Seeing him ride that little bike, which just months ago fit him perfectly, made me realize how much he's growing and growing up. He looked almost comical riding his little bike! For those who have known me for a while, you may wonder at my sentiments to him growing up. I am not a baby person and do not wish for more little kids in the future. I've been a little surprised myself at the feelings that have hit the last week or two. With those realizations of how the kids are growing up and we are soon to be out of the toddler and even preschool phase, came a bit of sadness and almost regret. I got to thinking about the growth chart and wishing I'd really brought it on the move. This led to other sad feelings about moving in general and all we've given up over time in moving.
Then I got on Facebook and watched a video of footage of the tsunami in Japan. And I was sorely convicted about my self-pity. I am so thankful for any time we have with our kids to track their growth, whether I have record or not! The fact that we are all here still together to keep growing for now is reason enough to be thankful. And even if we weren't all here, together, healthy, and growing, I still would need to be thankful. I have the hope of the Giver of Life. So I repented of my sin of self-pity and instead spent some time praying for those in Japan, and around the world, who are in the midst of such chaos and hurt. And then I went and kissed my sleeping children and praised God for the gift of them-however long I am able to have them! I'm not sure about you, but I bet you didn't expect the news the morning of 9/11. Or to see the Challenger explode before your very eyes. Or the total devastation in New Orleans or elsewhere like Japan and Hawaii today. Reality is that our lives can be radically changed in an instant. Maybe you've never been impacted by an "act of God" but just as quickly your life can be changed forever by a choice. Sometimes that is by your own choice and sometimes by the choice of another. I often get overwhelmed keeping up with the news in times like these. It is easy to give in to fear or to despair when so much is uncertain or there is so much devastation that results in much pain and suffering. The truth is, this is not our home. We wait for a day for our great King and Savior to return so we can live forever with him in a world that will not change in a moment's notice. Jesus tells us to watch and be ready for that day. Just like so many have been caught by surprise by things recently-earthquakes, political unrest, etc, we don't want to be caught by surprise when Jesus returns. I don't want to be caught by surprise and unprepared. I know many who when that day comes will not be prepared to meet Jesus-they will not know him. While I am praying for the many affected by all that is going on in the world right now, I need to hold loosely to my life and remember that many are facing an eternity without knowing Jesus-separated from him. Am I ready? Am I doing all I can to help others be ready? For one day it may be my time when just like that, everything changes.
I just have to say that I LOVE teaching my kids at home. Or wherever we happen to be! From as early as I can remember I loved being the teacher. I taught my younger siblings whether they wanted to play school with me or not! I taught in jr. kids church and then other ministries as soon as I was older than the group below me. As an adult, I've taught little kids, elementary kids, teenagers and even other adults. I love to teach. I love to teach God's Word and help people see the truths for their own application. I also love to teach about truths in life. I have a lot of experience in dealing with behavior and I love to teach parenting skills (I got a lot of this from 10 years of working with families with kids with autism). There is something about helping someone discover something new for his/her self that energizes me. I also am a perpetual learner and love to read and learn new things. This total combination has left our family so happy with our choice to teach the kids at home. The grins, asking when we can "do school" and hugs while being told "mom, you're my best teacher" are telling me the kids are having as much fun as I am! The best thing about it all? I NEVER thought I'd homeschool for a million years. Isn't God amazing how he leads us in the desires in our hearts-even when we don't even know we have those desires until we look back and it's crystal clear? I'm finally embracing this teacher thing and can't wait to see how God uses it next.
Tonight I have to revisit my salsa. Not because it's delicious (it is!) and not because it's easy and a topic that doesn't require much depth, but because of the picture it gives. Life can often be like salsa. Many pieces and parts seem so disjointed, cut off from others, different flavors and colors and beginnings. And like when I look at the picture above I stare hard but it's all kind of blurry around the edges. I struggle to make sense of it so often. But then it gets ready to be served. It is prepared for the purpose for which it was created and in that preparation it is all mixed up. Suddenly, the cilantro and the cabbage are mixed-two different plants, two different flavors, two different regions from being grown. They mix and with all the other ingredients together, form a flavor that bursts forth in your mouth. And suddenly, it all makes sense.
When I posted about salsa a few days ago my head and my heart were SO full I couldn't get anything else out. I wasn't even sure how to feel about much of it quite honestly. See, although we have taken steps to walk against much of our culture in following God's leading this past year, He has been breaking my heart for things even greater. Through a random post from an old family friend on Facebook I had started to follow a blog a while ago. I don't know the blogger but I know her husband's family from what seems another lifetime. I've followed their adoption journey a little and their heart for the beautiful country of Ug@nda. And a couple months ago God used her blog to start breaking my heart. Not for Africa. Not for adopting internationally. But for a young man about to age out of an orphanage halfway around the world. Through that experience (and the follow up as I continue to follow his story-he should be joining his forever family in just weeks!) God challenged me. Then I began to read the blog of this lady's team of women she just took to Ug@nda for a mission trip. Let me tell you, God has taken my horizons and just blown them wide open. For those who have journeyed with us the past year or so, you know my horizons have been expanded greatly already. I could not believe God wanted to do more! And in the last 2 months alone, there have been about 5 more things that seemed to be random, isolated things, that in reality are starting to connect. Or maybe they have already been connected and I am just starting to see it! I am starting to understand practically how connected we all are on this planet. And I am so excited to see what God is doing. To taste it fully in its completion! Tonight I reconnected with another old friend-who amazingly, is very good friends with the girl whose blog I've been reading. As we chatted and caught up I couldn't help but grin with anticipation. Get ready people, God is getting ready to move in a big way and I can't wait to share it with the world! The best part about all this, is I don't even have some big announcement about ready. I have NO IDEA what the final result of all this will be. Adoption is not looming in our future (that we know of), nor is Ug@nda, nor is the working with forced child prisoners (you'll have to check out the blog to see what I mean-if you're ready to let God break your heart check out ugandagoteam.blogspot.com ). What I am CONFIDENT in is this: that He who began a good work will be faithful to bring it to completion. God is working in me. I am being changed! And I cannot keep it to myself. My prayer is that through his grace in my life, I can be change for this world! Stay tuned for sure! The other morning Ty and I woke up to find this and this and when we went to get something from the basement (which we don't even use), this Aside from me asking J not to get into the sticky notes we were going to use for school for our Spanish, this was really quite clever. We found (and still are finding) them all over the house in the most unique places. I think tomorrow we might stick any more that he didn't get to, because this is a very good use of words!
And on the subject of words, I had an intense morning talking about the power of words. Words have power to bring life or death, blesses or curses, light or darkness, hope or despair. As I spent time speaking words out loud to my Lord and God confessing things and using words for truth and light, life and hope were certainly brought to my soul. My prayer is that I use words to bring life and hope and blessing to others too. I'm starting with my husband and kids and expanding from there. What about you, what kinds of words are you speaking? What kinds of words to you want to speak? Last night about 10:45 I remembered I had promised my friend homemade salsa for lunch today. So I set to chopping and dicing and sprinkling and shredding and tossing and coating. And around 11:30 it was finished. It was DELICIOUS! And healthy. And easy (although as I was almost half-asleep by then it took me a bit longer than usual...) And colorful. So I took pictures. Then I ate some just to taste it. Today at lunch she loved it-and I sent her home with a container to share with her hubby. Thanks to my childhood friend Emili for harassing me until I tried it-I now have a new salsa that is yum-o!
And while a post about salsa may seem very insignificant, it actually makes a lot of sense. I've been wrestling with some incredibly tough things the last weeks. That wrestling is continuing into tomorrow and even next week in some ways. In order to share something without unloading all my wrestling, I'm choosing to be thankful that for a bit of time I can enjoy the blessing of delicious, nutritious, abundant food. And I'm very thankful! And you can be too if you try this! Leave me a comment and I'll pass along the recipe. |
AuthorsCarolyn & (sometimes) Ty Archives
March 2016
|