We recently had fall break here-a whole week off school for the kids and Ty and I. The first day our kids played with the other kids from the team and we moved into our new offices at work. Tuesday through Thursday I took off work to be home with the kids. We played, we colored, we unpacked more toys, we played at the park and in the woods with friends, we swam, we ate dinner outside on the patio. It was wonderful! I realized how much I've missed that time with the kids. Being back at work again (and having the kids gone at school all day) I find the afternoons and evenings so full of household responsibilities, work to finish up, and making of dinner and lunches for the next day. Trying to get the kids to bed at an early hour as well as all our things organized for the next morning presents a very full time when we get home. It is not at all relaxing and fun down time when we come home from school/work.
When they were home I realized how much I had missed making our home a place of peace. A really great friend from college talks about how that's what she longs for in being a wife and mom. She wants to make her home a place of peace and refuge for her family. Sadly, often I'm the chaotic storm in our home. This week as we are back to school I didn't want the storm back. I have been trying to sit with the kids and play or read or color. E and I made cookies the other night (before dinner even!) and we have enjoyed time snuggling together. Dinner has been a little late. The house is still not unpacked or sorted and there definitely are some chores needing attention-mopping is most pressing with sticky juice spills...This is extra hard as I realize how unsettled I feel when there is "visual clutter" all over (another friend helped me realize this about myself).
However, I want to care more about my kids and their hearts than the state of well being in myself about the look of the chaos in the house. That doesn't mean the home has to be filled with chaos. We will get settled. We will get unpacked and things put away. I will be able to mop, and therefore not stick to the floor by the stove, at some point. I can never get back those afternoons that slip away with chores, when at bedtime I realize it is the first time I've sat with the kids. I can't get back those evenings sitting on the couch with my husband watching a TV show with him and just hanging out talking about our dreams. Those who know me know I am not at all a neat freak. This is very difficult for me though in all this transition to sit and be still. However, I am already seeing benefits and feeling less stormy myself. I am already making memories with the kids and they know they are priority. Ty and I are laughing together. These moments are living together-abundant, full, crazy, fun, real life.
Carolyn & (sometimes) Ty