I keep thinking it will get less so, and moments of great joy and laughter with friends make me forget it, but there it lingers, in the background always ready to pounce. Thinking in another language is hard work! It's not just the other words and grammar structure though...
It's thinking in another form of communication, different social cues and nonverbal communication.
It's thinking in a completely different system that is sometimes so far from my own upbringing.
It's constantly observing, taking note, copying and trying to imprint for future reference.
It's learning to be present but also always a little on alert to make sure I really am understanding and don't get too off track and make a big mistake.
And that's just for me. Then there's helping our team understand and walk through this. There's doing it as a family. There's the various levels of relationship that take different kinds of navigating. And while most days I wouldn't trade life over here for another option, I am seeing that it is ok to be tired and take down time for me. It's funny how I used to be 99% extrovert. The more people in our lives and the more brain tired I am, I think that's down to 65% or so. I still love people, but now actually have the need to be still and be alone sometimes to re-energize.
And it's good. I'm learning to put boundaries in place-both on myself and with others. I'm learning to prioritize what is really important to me and to the Kingdom. I am also learning to be still with myself and God and just listen. That's been one of the best things from all this! I also am seeking to raise others up so I will not be always in this same position-to pass on to others and let others take things farther, that should be our goal always.
But for today, I think I will go take a little rest and not feel guilty in the slightest! Of course, that's before we have friends coming over for lasagna...I couldn't spend too much time alone, now could I?!